~pherrin89

So I sit here again, pondering away with what I should fill my time up with. I wish I was in school already-or better yet, college. Something to be that stimulating challenge. Anything to coax my mind into being occupied, to make me feel like I'm being useful to myself. I wallow away into the dying embers of summer and contemplate at thoughts that eat at me still...

Nonetheless, I'm trying to compensate that loss and frustration with things that are abecedarian so as to not upset my thinking. I can't be contrite , albeit the feelings of my vexations are too egregious to ignore for long. This... emotion of restlessness is the raw energy that fuels my anger into coursing in large doses throughout my veins. I want compensation no longer! I want freedom!

However, I put on this mask of indifference, hiding away behind a cold and collected front. The eye of the storm. The calming, serrated edge in my eyes. It hurts to control it. Oh, how it hurts. How I itch to unleash its ferocity without restraint!

To uncage this animal inside me would result in either victory or total chaos. I beg to be let out of this net of self-preservation. I want it so very badly...

I want to lay claim on what I want. To act on selfish impulse.

... But they wouldn't understand. More importantly, he wouldn't understand...

I don't want to be ignored, to be turned away by his resplendent aspect. I want to know him, to be known by him. His acknowledgement of the real me would perhaps open his eyes a little farther. How I would die to have acceptance! But mere acceptance isn't what I truly crave...

To have some kind of potent nexus is the very staple I solicit! To have some kind of mutual ground or agreement. Maybe even something as small as a conjoint attraction would suffice!

To pique that interest of his... I need to see how I can conceive such a chance. To stir up his attention. Rile him up.

I'm gonna go for now. I need some time with my thoughts...

Sincerely,
~Dante